Blah

Though in a spiritual sense today was quite outstanding, personally it has sucked. The same day lived for the better part of 20 years. Do those who have what their hearts' desire feel this way? Doesn't matter, just thinking such a thought is sin. Can the clay call the potter evil? Not a positive course. Perhaps Hebrews is unpacking this phenomena when it's talking about "today" and "Sabbath rest?" For it is in this context that the power of God's word is described as piercing spirit and soul and discerning thoughts and intentions. It is active and sharp. There is no justification for our emotion; no place to stand detached from responsibility. No place to sit and get consolation because your pain just is. There's someone who is always more justified, you're always better off than many. You can never be good enough for God to move, and He always has a card to call if He chooses. Perhaps in this reality, when your chest tightens, you can't stand to see what's in the mirror, and you can taste the bile mixed with desperation, perhaps irrationally peace can be found. Grace in spite of repentance? Or do we always have to work for God's love? I'm so ticked about my circumstances that I seem quite comfortable forfeiting peace. I'm so angry that I view God as the door keeper to my happiness and He's really f-ing up the job. Oh, foolish man... while it is still called "today"...