See you on the other side

Closed on the house yesterday. Two hours of paperwork, two lawyers, a real estate agent, a mortgage officer, and three buyers, wow that was an interesting experience.

Praise the Lord - I wish I could articulate that stronger and less like a cliche, but the words really do have a depth.

I don't know when I'll have Internet access back, but until then, blessings!

Tension and harmony

I'm finding that I try to make sense of scripture. I want to harmonize it. Jesus didn't come to bring peace, and yet he did. Jesus fulfills the law and yet doesn't abolish it. Jesus holds us accountable to feed, clothe, visit, and yet the needs are beyond us, so we do little of it. God establishes the Sabbath to separate the lives of his people from others and yet Jesus says that the Sabbath is really for the people. Jesus requires perfection and yet Paul speaks of the struggle of the flesh. Jesus speaks of forgiveness and turning the other cheek and yet is silent on social justice beyond one-on-one interactions.

So I say that "the principle" is to live a righteous life, but don't get too legalistic, or live a balanced life of no extremes, or give money to relief organizations but don't get hung up on not getting to visit someone in prison, or that successful Christianity is a matter of people's souls rather than their whole beings. Not that this is completely bad, but I wonder if verses like Psalm 51:18, "The sacrifice of God is a troubled spirit..." are teaching us that staying in the tension is part of the believing life. I want to know the prescribed path for success and God offers dots that cannot naturally be connected. In which life will one honestly live?

Meditative life

I hope everyone leads a meditative life. Journal, talk, paint, sculpt, be silent on purpose, pray beyond your abilities and constructs. It just seems better to dwell on the important and to do the hard work of determining the important than to lead a reactive life.

Came across an interesting thought yesterday - the Bible is a/the lens to see God, but the problem is a lot people worship the lens rather than God. I must admit that the metaphor of lens seems more honest than "blue print," "owner's manual," "word of God, closed and self-contained, beyond culture," etc.

Behavior

I've been thinking about behavior lately. At one extreme it seems as though everything is about it. We read the Bible to determine the proper way to behave. We look to it to provide steps of action and to provide expectations we can impose on ourselves and others. Impose, that word takes us to many destinations. It has an inherent lack of justice, a sense of manipulation. Perhaps a better, less baggage laden word could be used, but in one sense it seems like the appropriate word.

But have we become too focused on behavior? At work I know that my way of doing things is very different from my boss's. In my relaxed demeanor I telegraph to him laziness, lack of focus, too slow, etc. He recognizes this and says words like "our personalities are different," but in reality he wants me to change. He cannot look beyond the means in action to the results. But isn't this a limitation we all have? Don't we all have the tendency to want to reproduce ourselves in our friends, spouses, children, etc.? I see great tension in married couples where there is a huge disconnect because all each person can dwell on is how different the other approaches life. I'm not talking about substantive issues, but things like talking too much or talking too little. This difference is not treasure it grates us and we often use whatever means it takes to try to change the other person.

I've been meditating on if the biblical message is really about behavior modification. We can flippantly say, "NO!," but this fast response is not honest. You can't move too far from behavior before you realize there is no being without action. It's an Existential thing. We become what we do; we become what we think; where our intentions and beliefs become tangible is significantly who we are. And yet, is Christ's message really, "I just want to keep the world from having inappropriate sex, being socially and fiscally conservative, and not killing each other."? But, you have forgotten about the question of eternal existence. Really, how much of our communication reflects this over behavior? Don't we gravitate to removing the whore's whoriness or the homosexual's same-sexness over conditions of the heart? Isn't our message of salvation as much about getting people to behave as we see best as it is being part of God's work in their life? Isn't it funny how we want to elevate one element to the descension of another? Perhaps behavior, heart, thought, etc. are just always supposed to be in tension and that's OK.

I find myself wanting to make Jesus the bestower of newer, more difficult laws and at the same time the unshackler of all law. And then I think he came to show a way outside of law, but I'm not sure that works either.

We gravitate to behavior because it is so visible. We distrust emotion partly much because of its hiddenness. At my church we go so far as to segment the "spirit" from the "soul" because there is so much discomfort with part of who we are being out of control. We set up a hierarchy of spiritual legitimacy for our being:
1. Spirit - place God talks to us; creme de la creme
2. Soul - keeper of emotion; has no inherent policing capabilities; to be feared because it can lead the Body astray
3. Mind - keeper of reason; there to keep soul in-check; police, but can be corrupted; to be almost as feared as Soul because can lead the Body astray
4. Body - temporary location; no importance; gets us in trouble; causes pain; "real" sin agent; to be avoided

I can't put my finger fully on it, but we have gotten something off kilter a bit when it comes to behavior.

Dear Oma

I fax my grandmother to communicate with her. She is in a convalescent home across the country and unable to get to a phone. Her spirit and mind are well, but her body is in rapid decline. Like other writings, I've been remiss... I will fax her tonight.


Dear Oma,

Happy Fourth of July! It's probably hotter than a firecracker in good old Arizona. I'm sorry it has take so long to fax. I wish I had good excuses, but I feel bad that it has taken so long. How are you doing? I called Jeniece and the kids last night, but they are probably gone for the holiday weekend. I'm not sure I've talked to them for more than a minute or two since your birthday. A lot has happened since my last fax.

A couple of weeks ago my friend Eric and I went to Idaho. There was a church leadership conference on Christianity and postmodernity there which was fantastic. I don't know if I told you, but Eric, his wife Katie, and I will be starting a church in the town I work in. We are praying about how God will want to use it and putting together a plan. If you could pray for that, I would appreciate it. This conference in Idaho helped fuel a lot of neat ideas. We got to stay with my Uncle Morris and Aunt Ruth. They were so wonderful and hospitable! I don't know if you remember my Uncle Dale and Aunt Doris. Mom had a special connection with them and when she went there, that was where her and dad stayed. It was nice hearing stories of her before I was born - they loved her dearly. It is amazing how far a life can reach, and I find blessing in thinking about that when it comes to mom's life. This was a special trip for me because Aunt Doris is dying of cancer. I had been reluctant to go visit because I just wasn't sure I could handle it. To make a long story short, though she was in tremendous pain, she had the best attitude and demeanor. She was truly joyful. I thought somehow I could comfort her, but in reality she was ministering to me. She was recounting how Jesus had been so good to her, even in these last days. The trip ended on a sweet note, where her daughters took us to the northern part of Idaho to see many of places I used to go as a kid.

It really has been too long since I've written... Besides Idaho, I've also been working on getting a house. My friends Eric and Katie, and I are in the process of buying a side-by-side duplex. It's two stories with each side having separate a living room, kitchen, dining room, bathroom, bedrooms (2 each), utilities, and basement. It's a beautiful place built in the 1950's. It has hardwood floors in all the rooms except kitchen and bathroom and there is beautiful wood trim and windows everywhere. It's about 4 miles from work (right now I drive about 50 miles a day). Tomorrow we go around looking for appliances (the ones in it were in terrible shape and the owners hauled most of them away).

Kelley went to Paris this summer. She had a great time and got out of her shell a bit. She's a neat young woman. Well things didn't materialize with Sarah on the love-life front, but that's probably for the best since there's so much going on right now. Oh the bachelor life!

Well, I better get going. I love you and pray for you often! Blessings, Oma!


Love,

Long time, but still thinking of you

It has been quite some time since the last posting here. Since then we have gotten closer to closing on the duplex. But we found out today that its having fuses and a small amp electrical service means in most cases we can't get homeowner's insurance. This means having the panel and electrical entrance replaced/upgraded ($3k-ish). Not the neatest thing just before closing. I also went with Eric to Idaho. Amazing trip that I hope blog through more soon.

But I've been thinking about you. In some cases there are regulars who check out this blog. To you I feel a bit guilty in not writing with more deliberation. In other cases people stop by through providence or chance. Sometimes I feel odd laying so much open to such unknown and sometimes it feels rejuvenating. Sometimes I envision the writing as fractured portions of dialog with God and in some cases I'm convicted that it competes for God's sacredness in my life. Generally, I enjoy it and hope that it is transformation in good, kind ways.

Whoever you are, may you find blessing and peace. Joy and comfort. May Jesus bless you in ways that are true to him and that stretch your comprehensions. May you find what is already there.