Perspectives and the past
A couple of years ago I went out many times with a really neat, beautiful women. She loved God, was on her way to becoming a medical doctor, was physically so beautiful that I would stutter or find my breath would become shallow when seeing her across the room, and she sculpted her life on how she experienced God moving in it.
Her dad asked me to film her sister's wedding with the condition and "favor" that I be his other daughter's date. That was the first that extended through the summer. I had myself a little crush, you might say.
But by the end of the summer I had found that I had completely misread her. She had not liked me at all. I then redefined "our" history. We had done things together, but as friends. Those gestures, the amazing walk on the beach talking and appreciating what God had done in the full moon, the focus and gaze she would give me when I talked, and the laughter hadn't meant any more than moments of happiness. For me they were testing the water for a deeper relationship, but for her they could have been with anyone and just happened to be me. Rather than casting a shadow on her, it was how far I felt I had misunderstood. And as the summer, and the relationship, came to an end, I realized I had actually produced some frustration for her that I never knew. I was that guy who was difficult to get rid of. Ouch!
It bothered me that I had had such a different perspective of that time. I felt bad that in the end she had no feelings for me and for whatever reason could not express that. But, today, her mom introduced me to someone as "..., you know, he dated (my daughter)..." She smiled widely and spoke as it were a matter of fact and a nice piece of our history. I was appreciative that my perspective wasn't completely off. I know it doesn't mean as much as the space I've devoted, but sometimes a person can spend a lot of time redefining the past.
Her dad asked me to film her sister's wedding with the condition and "favor" that I be his other daughter's date. That was the first that extended through the summer. I had myself a little crush, you might say.
But by the end of the summer I had found that I had completely misread her. She had not liked me at all. I then redefined "our" history. We had done things together, but as friends. Those gestures, the amazing walk on the beach talking and appreciating what God had done in the full moon, the focus and gaze she would give me when I talked, and the laughter hadn't meant any more than moments of happiness. For me they were testing the water for a deeper relationship, but for her they could have been with anyone and just happened to be me. Rather than casting a shadow on her, it was how far I felt I had misunderstood. And as the summer, and the relationship, came to an end, I realized I had actually produced some frustration for her that I never knew. I was that guy who was difficult to get rid of. Ouch!
It bothered me that I had had such a different perspective of that time. I felt bad that in the end she had no feelings for me and for whatever reason could not express that. But, today, her mom introduced me to someone as "..., you know, he dated (my daughter)..." She smiled widely and spoke as it were a matter of fact and a nice piece of our history. I was appreciative that my perspective wasn't completely off. I know it doesn't mean as much as the space I've devoted, but sometimes a person can spend a lot of time redefining the past.
posted by Learner at 5/20/2006 07:06:00 PM
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