Being, Existentialism, and silliness

Last night I chose not to do the Daily Office. I could rationalize it, but in the end, I just didn't want to. I am finding it is important to do. Not so much because it is "The Daily Office" as that it is an intentional time with the Lord. My heart cries out, "No!" I just want to be. Why can't we just be? I am squarely in the Existential camp in that our decisions and actions don't just shape our character, but essentially, metaphysically shape us. But still, I just want to be. Sometimes your head feels disconnected and you find that even a good night's sleep doesn't bring rest. I just want to be.

Pragmatically, I find that in not keeping with the momentum of continual devotions that many of the other areas of my life lack discipline. Conversely it could start in other areas and impact daily devotions. The shame in this is that these are an opportunity to converse, be changed by the living God and to find that I didn't take advantage of this is kind of silly.